From Journal, Nov. 3, 2000

It is fall, the best time of year so far as I am concerned. There is a crisp wnd blowing today, and the chill mkes one glad to be alive. I wish Pete was here with me. But I know it could not have lasted forever. I am content that my life with him is over, though I regret that he died in such a sad and painful way. I wish I had known what to do and that we had found out about his cancer in time to save him. He was such a wonderful loving kind man. He loved me completely and I loved him with my heart, my soul, and every cell in my body. He could not have gone on as he was ghough; it was probably inevitable that it end this way. He pushed himself too far. I held myself accountable for that until recently I began to realize that it was what he wanted. He wanted it for himself, as much as wanting it for me. At least when he died he knew that he had made it. He had built the business to the sucdess point. There was no way I could continue it by myself. It is for the best that I sold and let go of it. Now I can build a new life. I hope with all my heart that he would give me his blessing, from the cosmos where he now is. I need to know that he would want me to go on.